The prison official said no, under no circumstances would she be allowed to have visitation with the man who had brutally raped her and left her for dead. He reluctantly agreed, though, as she meekly shared all that was in her heart and explained why she had come to see this monster. She later recounted the details of her visit with him in a television interview.
As the audience sat breathless and teary-eyed, she detailed the painful events of that heinous day, which she had tried so often to erase from her memory. It had started as an ordinary, enjoyable day. But several hours later, she was found unconscious from the severe beating and knife wounds inflicted upon her, and that after she had been brutally raped. She spent a great deal of time in the hospital, and then she too went to prison – but hers was a prison of fear and of anger. Afraid to leave her own home, she became reclusive and distrusting of everyone, even her own friends and family.
Life as she knew it had ended for this now emotionally damaged innocent. Each day she had slipped farther into depression and agony of spirit, unable to find even the slightest glimmer of hope or joy no matter how desperately she desired it. Knowing that she could no longer live like that, she began taking difficult steps down an unfamiliar path; a path which had slowly brought her to a place of healing.
As she continued to relay her experiences, my mind flooded with painful memories of my own, as I too had been dealt some pretty serious blows in life. This woman and I had at least one thing in common; we both had to figure out how to forgive the unforgiveable. Obviously, we were both well on our way to doing so, but there was such an air of confidence in this woman that I was intrigued.
The woman then explained that visiting her assailant in his prison would be the final step for her to walk out of her own. Politely declining one last chance to change her mind, she sat there behind the glass partition looking into the man’s face for the first time. She almost felt violated anew by the cold, steely stare of a man who was clearly pleased with what he had done. His mouth was upturned in a sinister grin of satisfaction and his posture was smug.
She never offered him a chance to speak though. She had the control this time. I cannot tell you verbatim what she said, because this interview was nearly twenty years ago, but this is the essence of what she told him:
“I don’t know why you did what you did, nor do I care. The day you raped me was the worst day of my life. You stole that entire day from me, and so many after. Consequently, your savage act forced me into a different kind of prison, but a prison nevertheless. Even so, I have come here today to tell you that I forgive you.”
“I don’t want your forgiveness!” he interrupted angrily.
“I don’t care,” she responded calmly. Keeping her cool, she then explained that forgiving him was not for his benefit but hers alone. “I forgive you!” she repeated, “And I hope that God will too, but that is entirely up to you.”
Standing, she said her final words. “You stole more from me than you will ever know, but this much is certain: Because I forgive you, it’s all over. You cannot ever steal another day from me, not even another minute! You will be locked-up in this prison for a very long time; and rightly so. I, however, am now free to live the rest of my life happily and in peace.” With that, she walked out, head held high.
I don’t know if that man ever regretted what he did or repented of it, but I am positively convinced that this woman was no longer his victim. A rapist does not do what he does for sexual satisfaction. His satisfaction comes in being able to ruin a life, and his power comes from knowing that her subsequent bondage allows him to maintain his control over her. By forgiving him, she knowingly castrated his power.
Tonight, in a worship service, I sat behind a man who testified that God was helping him to forgive others. I was reminded of this woman’s story and felt prompted to share it with you. Perhaps you have never been physically attacked in such a brutal manner, but most all of us have experienced some kind of attack, physical or emotional, that has left us damaged in some way.
I hope that you have been able to forgive all trespasses against you, but if this has proven too difficult, remember that forgiveness is for your benefit-not theirs. We seldom have control over being victimized, but we can most assuredly take control of our lives and refuse to be victims any longer. It’s your choice, either you can choose to let unforgiveness imprison your heart, or you can confidently say, “No more, you cannot steal even one more day!”
Rays of Light 